Have you ever considered how – over time – you tend to become more like the people you spend time with?
A few days ago I had the privilege of giving the keynote talk at the Client Advisor Awards in Atlanta. In the crowd was an amazing group of professionals dedicated to serving standing in the gap for their clients. While it was fun getting to share my thoughts with the group about how to be more innovative in their work, the greatest joy of the night was getting to see my friend riCardo Crespo recognized as an award winner for his work as SVP/Global Creative Chief at 20th Century Fox.
riCardo is one of my favorite people in the world, and I don’t say that lightly. He is someone I aspire to be more like, because he exemplifies professionalism, is a spark plug of creative insight, and has the ability to reframe a conversation with just a few words. I take every opportunity I can to be around him. (In fact, I’ll be in Los Angeles this weekend to speak to a group from Intel and riCardo and I have blocked off time – in the midst of our crazy schedules – to spend more time together.)
Why? Because we inspire and challenge one another to be better at what we do, and that’s important enough to make time together a priority.
As you survey the broad array of relationships in your life, do you spend time with people who…
- challenge you to be better?
- call out your BS and don’t let you coast?
- model professionalism to you?
- question your assumptions?
- root for your success?
- mourn your failures?
- introduce you to new ideas?
- share their doubts or struggles?
- …???
Who are these people for you? One thing I’ve learned about relationships is that I tend to become more like the people I spend the most time with. Because of that, I try to spend as much time as possible with people I want to be more like.
So a few questions:
– Do you have someone / some people in your life who meet the above criteria, and…
– What other criteria would you add to above list?
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As a rule I really have cut off people in my life that are negative. Whether it’s another parent, someone from church or someone in business, I avoid negative people as much as possible. Most of my friends make more money than me and have larger networks of influence than me. That’s intentional. They make me better. They have more free time. They spend more time with their families. They are who I want to be in so many ways. It’s working. I have a lot LESS friends but the quality of those friendships is much better than in the past. You don’t get to pick your parents but you do get to pick your friends. I suggest people choose wisely and cut off the ones that aren’t making you better. You will not regret it.
I think the negativity thing is a good rule of thumb, Andy. Negativity, cynicism and the like seem to seep into a culture over time and infect it from the inside out.
I am blessed to have a number of people in my life who help me become better. I also have the privilege of mentoring people who see me as helping them to become better people. I would add the quality of listening to this list. The people who help me most are those who are willing to listen well. To help me find clarity. To help me see things honestly. To help me discover creative concepts and elegant solutions.
Agreed, James. Listening is critical, and honesty – while it hurts – is so needed in these kinds of relationships.
I may not like “everything” about the people around me. But I try to remind myself about the highlights or strengths about them. It is not easy and need to remind myself all the time. But at least is a practical way
This is a good point too, Saya. Thanks for sharing!
I think it’s also helpful to include people that have been where you want to go in your field. People that will share their journey so you can learn. Sometimes people who have failed and then succeeded are more helpful than those who just seem to be successful. This may have been included in your last bullet “share their doubts or struggles.” But I wasn’t sure so I thought I’d mention it.
Agreed. More than once someone has said “hey…you’re about to step into a pitfall. You might want to change course.” Having others who are a little farther along can make you much more aware of assumptions and potential mistakes.
Great message. I couldn’t agree more! This is a lesson I am teaching my 7 and 8 year old kids too. Adopting an attitude of gratitude inspires us to focus on the right people in our lives – the ones who make a difference and make us better people in the long run. Applying this practice to real life is important, but also our virtual lives. Unfriending, unfollowing and disconnecting from people who create drama, pessimism and conflict is a liberating act. Thanks for sharing.
We’re doing the same with our kids. The problem is that – often – cynicism infects an entire group. It’s easy to fall in line with it, because there’s something that feeds a part of you when adopting a cynical mindset, but it’s devastating to your art.
I’m reminded of the adage: “You show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”
I completely agree with this! When you’re surrounded by the people you want to be like, you’re enabled to think more creatively, challenge each other, inspire, receive and give advice! It’s priceless and big goal of mine right now to be surrounded by more and more passionate, creative people!
I am so very grateful to be surrounded by such awesome people. Within the past 5 years, i have gained a tremendous amount of friendships . I have built life long relationships and bonds with some incredible people. Not only has these people helped shape me and help me grow, they also challenge me and make me see things I have never known. I keep a lot of positive people around.. I try to motivate and inspire the negative ones… I think its really hard for them to be negative around me.. because i just burst with so much positivety all the time.
” I am part of all that I have met.” -Tennyson
Hey great post this is and I totally agree with it that you should be around people that inspire you to be better. However one thing I must disagree with and this is this the first time I’ve posted on a post like this before is that you should cut off people who don’t make you a better person. I have a really good friend who is funny and makes me laugh however he doesn’t seem to realise the important things in lie such as saving and working hard but I believe that he will if I can be a good influence to him. If we all cut off people who didn’t inspire us to be better then how would people get from the bottom to the top? I love the post but I just think if you can see good in the person but they are just on the wrong path then you can hopefully help them reach there potential which makes you a better person for doing so. Thanks for the post it was great!
I do love the way in which Todd interacts with his public. I really appreciate that. Fabulous article!!